Tarot Agony Aunt - Volume 2
“this card talks about friendship beyond JUST sinking some goons on the regular with your mates.” - November 2021
Dear Tarot Oracle,
In a few weeks I will end my 13 years of share-housing and move into my own place. I’m torn at the thought of leaving, but excited at the prospect of going.
I’m worried that the once incidental company, with the few people I allow to see the ‘real’ me, will be hard to obtain and actively ask for now that I will be living alone. However, I’m also excited for the assumed space in my brain that will be freed up from not having to navigate space and time with other humans every day.
Do you think one can maintain and advocate for a sense of intimate community, while taking up a whole house to themselves? And if so, how?
Tentative Tenant.
Dear Tenant,
Congratulations! How exciting for you, a place to call your own. Living alone can be an adjustment but what you learn about yourself with the benefit of solitude can be incredible. It seems when we are young making friendships and building community is easy: in our childhoods we are thrown together with a cohort of our peers each day and our connections come by default. When we are in our twenties, we are still inexperienced - our hearts open and the verve for exploring the world and the people in it is fuelled by our excitement and relatively clean slate. Once we have our heart dinged up a few times and we are walking our path? More challenging. Let’s take a look.
CARD 1: SITUATION: - Three of Cups.
Okay so this is one of those moments where the cards are being stunningly obvious: The Three of Cups indicate the heart of this situation is about emotional fulfilment and support, coming from your immediate group of friends and close confidantes. I will leave it up to you to decide wether you wish to respond with the proverbial: “no sh*t Sherlock” or take this as an affirmation you are on the right track. There is something of an uplifting party vibe to the Three of Cups, in its more traditional Rider Waite incarnation it is literally three maidens dancing in a circle toasting one another with their cups. However, this card and your question talks about ideas of friendship and support beyond sinking some goons on the regular with your mates. This is about being recognised, supported and uplifted for your authentic self. Care and love you can trust. People who will give you a lift to the airport. People who will help you move. People who you can call at 2am when life takes a turn into Nine of Swords territory. We are tribal animals, meant to be connected to one another in reciprocal relationships of care. There are genuine consequences to to isolation and loneliness.
CARD 2: ACTION - Eight of Pentacles.
While the question at hand is about your emotional and spiritual fulfilment the action advice is refreshingly practical. The Eight of Pentacles ironically for this question has a loose association with the Hermit. You do need to take the solitary space to tune into your instincts and your desires as a way to guide your efforts. The card is about apprenticeship in some respects, taking on a new skill. The good news is that the Eight of Pentacles almost always indicates attention to detail and dedication which pays off in the end. The suggested course of action here is to really embrace the hard work of cultivating what you seek from card one - in this case the building and maintenance of a community while also ensuring you own space to recharge. This is good work! As you say in your letter, the incidental company has been a pathway to this while living in a share house: that pathway will be closed once you move. You will need to be deliberate about building a new one. This is your new project. Ask yourself, what are your Third Spaces? Where are places that are neither work nor home which facilitate connection with like minded people? Do you have activities or hobbies which can flow into growing branches of your (chosen) family tree? Who are the people you already consider part of that and who are the people you would like to bring closer? Consider being the initiator of gatherings and outings, even if it is just a small handful of your intimates. No need to go from Virginia Woolf in her solitary studio to Truman Capote throwing a ball at the Plaza in an instant. That’s not the expectation here. Do the coffee catch ups. Be the one who offers to bake the birthday cake. Take the small wins and learn from the moments which fall below your needs and expectations. Adjust. Regroup. Try again. Build more. Find the style which suits your personality and your boundaries then master it.
CARD 3: STRETCH GOAL - Queen of Pentacles.
When I pulled this third card I looked at it with the intention of seeing it as an outcome, but no… I want to re-write the rules and call this a stretch goal. Why? Because this is a Queen who is linked to the Eight via the pentacle. She is an archetype for you to recognise and fulfil. This is what the apprentice dutifully tapping away in the workshop of the Eight is aiming for, looking up to and admiring. This for you is not a mysterious woman who will come to your aid, she is a facet of yourself you have an opportunity to grow into. So who is the Queen of Pentacles? She rules the realm of hearth and home and builds nurturing connections through kindness. She is trustworthy and reliable but has her boundaries. I always picture her with a down to earth and happy home, a place which is both a sanctuary for herself but also a refuge for those she cares about. She is the person you go to for REAL TALK over a pot of tea. She will nourish you, make sure you are protected from the elements and have the tools you need, but like a wise mother once the tears are dried and the belly is full she will push you back out into the world to keep hacking away at your path. When she throws a party it is a dinner party or a pot luck and the mode of delivery is comfortable and earthy. Think drinking wine and laughing around a dinged up wooden table or playing scrabble from the comfort of a vintage beanbag. No pretensions here. Her community is strong because she is strong. She embodies material security and comfort, acts of service and discernment along with endurance and resourcefulness. Her element is the Earth itself, which aside from the obvious Earth-Mother connotations (eep) she is also linked with tangible outcomes, environmental awareness and care (a clue to finding more people to connect with?) and shrewd business planning. This woman has what you are seeking - along with a few ideas about how to set up your new home. She didn’t stumble across it randomly. She tended to it carefully: making a lush garden of mutual care and satisfaction bloom from the ashes of change.
